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I think I look ugly when I sing

Help! I Can’t Stop Thinking I Look Ugly When I Sing ⏱ 3 Mins

How can teachers help self-conscious singers overcome worries about their appearance when performing? Becky Gilhespie shares her thoughts.

It doesn’t matter how brilliant a singer’s voice is; if their mind is whirring with negative thoughts when they’re on stage, their performance will suffer.

And while some singers get hung up on what they sound like, for others, it’s their appearance becomes a source of self-consciousness.

A singer may fear the audience will judge them on their size, height, hair, or clothing (no surprise, given trolling is commonplace in our digital age).

Or they may feel insecure about the faces they pull when performing (after all, there are corners of the internet dedicated to ‘ugly singing face’).

So, how can singing teachers help? We asked vocal coach Becky Gilhespie, author of Singing for the Self-Conscious.

‘I would be a basket case on performance day.’

On the Singing Teachers Talk podcast, Becky reveals she went from being a child happy to sing in front of anyone and everyone, to a teenager riddled with self-consciousness.

These feelings of self-doubt led to avoidance and procrastination.

“Sometimes I would be so worried about a performance that I wouldn’t practice,” she says. “Then I would be a basket case on performance day because I wasn’t properly prepared.

“Self-consciousness stifled my ability to perform. It happens with a lot of singers; it holds them back so that they just can’t let go.”

tips for supporting a student battling the thought: I can’t stop thinking I look ugly when I sing.

Write down negative thoughts

“Thoughts like ‘I’m ugly’ can get into your head so fast,” Becky says.

“Sometimes what starts as a niggle – perhaps because of a careless, offhand comment someone has made – becomes a preoccupation.

“The singer might not even realise how many negative thoughts they’re having, so it’s good if we slow these thoughts down.”

Once the students have written down their worries, ask them to read them aloud.

“It can help them question what’s going through their mind.”

Film the performer

Becky suggests filming the student perform and getting them to watch it back.

“Recording ourselves can be a powerful tool as it helps the performer calibrate what they think is going on with reality,” she says.

“Often the students are so surprised and say, ‘Oh, that’s not as bad as I thought’. Watching themselves perform can also create a better awareness of what the audience sees. They can go: ‘Right I can see that when I’m smiling, I look so much better. I didn’t realise how withdrawn I was.”

Strategy session

If Becky feels negative thoughts are becoming an issue, she’ll schedule a strategy session with the student to focus on the problem.

“Sometimes, as teachers, we feel like there’s so much that we have to cover in an hour in terms of technique and repertoire,” she says.

“But it’s good to put our own agenda aside and take a step back. Let the student know that you are there to help them at a deeper level, not just give them singing exercises.

“We don’t have to impart all our knowledge on them all at once. It’s about giving students what they need to know and the space to grow.”

Learn more

Listen to the full interview with Becky, where she also discusses:

  • Helpful strategies for teachers who feel self-conscious demonstrating for students.

  • The importance of giving singers the tools to question negative beliefs and recognise their values.

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